I had been debating on deleting this personal blog of mine, but then I realize that maybe someone out there can relate to what I am going through. I know I am not the only one and there are millions of people out there that deal with similar things that I am.

For about a year and half or more, I want to say? That I’ve really struggled mentally, emotionally and physically.  Social Media does not help as well when there are so many people who are trying to compete or up the others.  It’s mind blowing!  I’ve had a lot of things happening in my personal and professional life as well. It was so bad that I felt like I had no way out but not enough to remove myself from life itself.

Personally, I felt I was lost – like I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t like who I was becoming by allowing others people opinions of me bother me. I have always been a people pleaser and it hurts.   The ongoing slander and people were saying thinking that it was the truth of me, but they just didn’t know the truth of me.  I am very homebody person and like to stay home a lot but I know part of that is my fault because I don’t put myself out there mainly because I don’t want to get hurt again.  Ive been burned by many people that I thought that was/were friends of mine.  Making new friends is extremely hard for me.  And not only that, I was also allowing many people walk all over and making decision of my plans/times.  NO MORE! 

People are so quick to judge on a very little information, unfortunately.

As for professionally, I had a situation where it came up and in my opinion, it really hurt my reputation and even almost 2 years later, it still is a struggle. I let that be the ONE of the reasons why I just slowly fade in the background.

Not only that, but my husband and I were also fostering a kiddo since the child was 16 months old and there were so many rules in place with the foster agency that it really affect my timing to do videos/LIVE videos when I wanted/used to do.

Yet, MANY people couldn’t understand why I pretty much stopped –  my husband was traveling SO MUCH for work, leaving me at home with the kiddo and my grandchildren which made it HARDER to do a good chunk of videos/LIVE videos.   I’m in my very late 40’s and by 7/8 pm – I’M TIRED and I want to go bed.  Many people was not very understanding of my situation or they didn’t even want to try.

So it just got to the point where I said why do I bother try? No one is willing to take the time to really UNDERSTAND anyone.

So I stepped up at the end of summer last year and got myself some help; yes I got counseling and that is still going on.   It’s been a slow process.  I am aware that this is something I can’t control because this is all on the others if they can not accept what is going on my life. I have started to unfollow those people who can not accept or respect anything I explain. I don’t have to explain anything, but I did because it was the right thing to do to why I pretty much disappeared. I know I do not owe anyone an explanation.

So which brings to 2024, so many changes as professionally that has me questioning a lot of things and I love the company I am with but it’s hard right now for me because I’ve lost my mojo for that.  I’m slowly working on it and trying to find the groove as well.  I also have gone back to paper-crafting as well.   I’m currently cleaning up my studio which is organizing everything as I have SO MANY of Chalk Couture retired products that I need to MOVE out so I can make room for the NEW ONES!

On a final note, my husband and I ended our foster parents journey on the 18th of June as the kiddo has gone back to mom full time, after 4 years. I’m devastated but I will be ok.  We all will be!  The mom has been in communication and has asked we stay in the child’s live as Nana and Papa which makes my heart so happy! It was definitely a long journey for her so it’s a start!

I am hoping that the rest of 2024 will bring a better year and there’s no where to go but UP! I know there are going to be bumps in the roads for sure but all I can do is keep going. I know this journey isn’t done, but acknowledging that it’s a start.

with this ending; I am quoting this – “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and be kind and understanding.

Until then! much loves!